Chris Lackner
“You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows,” Bob Dylan sang. But these days, a guide through the seemingly endless flurry of pop culture offerings is just what we need. With that in mind, here is what’s on the radar screen in TV, music and film for the coming week.
MOVIES
Big releases (Sept. 28): Hell Fest; Smallfoot
Big picture: Hell Fest. It’s just like Woodstock … minus 100 per cent of the peace and love. In fact, Hell Fest is the Disneyland of haunted amusement parks — a popular carnival of ghouls and goblins. Not to mention it’s clearly the perfect hunting ground for a masked serial killer. What better place to rack up a body count in a fantasyland filled with people pretending to be killers, their victims and their poltergeists? The tag line is, “the scares are fake, the evil is real.”
Too bad the evil in this horror film is so pedestrian: a crazy dude who hides his face! He’s like Jason with a few more brain cells: why hunt a handful of teens in a secluded camp when you can hunt thousands of them at Hell Fest? We’ve all heard of the monster mash, but this attraction is more like a monster buffet; there might as well be a special “all you can stab” rate at the gate for masked nutjobs.
Meanwhile, Smallfoot stars family friendly monsters. This animated outing flips the Bigfoot legend on its head when a teenage yeti discovers a mythical “human.” His mountain village of hairy white walkers is incredulous: comedy and questing ensue.
Forecast: I predict Hell Fest 2: Jason vs. Michael Myers.
Jay Hernandez as Thomas Magnum in Magnum P.I. [CBS]
Big events: Magnum P.I. (Sept. 24, CBS/CTV); Manifest (Sept. 24, NBC/City); The Cool Kids (Sept. 26, City; Sept. 28, Fox); Murphy Brown (Sept. 27, CBS/City); FBI (Sept. 25, CBS/Global); New Amsterdam (Sept. 25, NBC/Global)
Big picture: From the unoriginal mind of Peter M. Lenkov (the man who has already rebooted Hawaii Five-0 and MacGyver) comes a new take on the beloved (at least by my mother) Hawaii-set detective series from the 1980s that made Tom Selleck a household name. Jay Hernandez (Scandal, Suicide Squad) inherits the titular role as Thomas Magnum, but some things never change — namely the P.I.’s Detroit Tigers hat, red Ferrari convertible and his friend TC’s black helicopter.
This time Magnum’s British frenemy and landlord Higgins is played by Perdita Weeks (Penny Dreadful). She’s just like the old Higgins (two vicious Dobermans, no sense of humour, always nagging Magnum) only with yoga and computer talents — and slightly more sexual tension.
Meanwhile, after years of trying to make a new Lost, the networks have finally hit a foolproof plan: filming the series in reverse. Manifest is about a flight of passengers who land — after some minor turbulence and a couple panic attacks — only to find more than five years have passed and their families have moved — and in some cases — passed on. This serialized mystery explores the fate of people on a plane the world had thought vanished forever. Where did they go? Were there smoke monsters and buttons that saved the world? Will the survivors band together to hunt down the truth? Will they find out Donald Trump is president and immediately get back on the plane? (You’ll have to watch to find out!)
But if generic procedurals are more your thing, tune in to FBI from the one-track mind of Dick Wolf (the Law & Order and Chicago emergency responder franchises). New Amsterdam offers yet another medical drama set in a prestigious hospital (don’t you think the world is ready for a series set in a crowded, drop-in strip-mall clinic?).
On the sitcom front, Murphy Brown is back to take on Trump as the anti-Roseanne. The series’ 11th season returns after nearly 20 years and finds the titular character now anchoring a morning cable news show. Meanwhile, The Cool Kids is about septuagenarians gone wild. From the minds behind It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, this one is The Golden Girls meets Animal House.
Forecast: If you want a sneak preview of the new Magnum, here’s my advice. Just watch an old episode at super speed and make your own explosion or screeching wheel noises every 10 seconds or so. Manifest has what it takes to be a wild ride if it can avoid being lost (i.e. cancelled before November sweeps).
Cher performs onstage at the Billboard Music Awards []
Big releases on Sept. 28: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (An American Treasure); Cher (Dancing Queen)
Big picture: The late Tom Petty was an American treasure and this box of unreleased material will offer further proof (as if we needed it). The collection features 60 tracks, including new songs, alternative versions of classics and live performances. Cher’s ABBA cover album is an obvious — and brilliant — marketing move tied to her performance in musical hit Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again.
Forecast: Cover and tribute albums are all the rage. I predict a Britney Spears Madonna cover album and a Madonna Britney Spears cover album (and a secret part of me quietly hopes for a Justin Bieber Paul Anka cover album).